For those that do not know me, I'm that girl who quietly sits at the back but inside the storm is raging, I'm about to erupt. Hunger has taken over me, I feel weak and want to go home

I'm in love

Love is overrated. I say that only because we're made to believe there is more to love than what it really is, just love. This four letter word, as simple as it sounds is what each beating heart yearns to feel and with each passing day my longing for the warmth of my heart's companion is fading like that feeling I had when he winked at me, I knew it wasn't going to last.

I first got a glimpse of love when I couldn't understand why she mattered so much and I  had to stand up for her because she had given up everything possible for me to sprout into all I am till this day. Mom was everything to me, my father and mother, friend, motivator,  mentor and healer. She was and is god-sent. A mother's love is so much more, it uplift and smothers the

This life is a serious joke, LOL.

Looking back at my previous post I should've taken up literature because my writing isn't all that bad. There is a little bit of humour5and of course the tear-jerking stories of how much my life is such an epic fail. But, through my unapproved way of handling situations, I am feeling a little too proud of this woman I am today. Well, I know success isn't a measure of the possessions and the amount of influence one has over multitudes but let's face it, that's when people truly start to recognize your worth in society.

Tonight I am here freezing my ovaries because I am pissed at the way life always throws a curved ball at me. Can I just not catch a break and have things work-out in my favour? And again I have silence to answer me and keep me mum.

Oh, it's been a while since my last update. Before you start with the excitement let me assure you that nothing phenomenal happened. I have yet to cut off all ties with Greg. I don't know why I chose to settle for a man who doesn't call me beautiful or who refuses to buy me flowers; after all dealing with cards you've been dealt with isn't such of a bad idea, I mean you can'tgo wrong with what life hands to me, right? Just thinking about the predicament I'm in really brings all the bad memories and the anxiety I thought I had the doctors put away for good.

I miss my 19 year-old self. She had a lot going on but she was grounded in her maker. Now, she's struggling to stop herself from drowning as she swims through the raging storms. How I long crying my heart out to my maker, He used to be nearer but I've never felt so alone. And who's to blame? Me. I haven't made much of an effort to reach out or to cry out I'm rather doubting my existence and the essence of His being. I am questioning everything I've come to know about life and it's brevity. Why are we here? Again, why are we here?

I have yet to start my way through life. Don't even ask when I am likely to get married because I'm nowhere close to opening that envelope. And the mystery continues, who am I and which path was designed for me? Am I entirely entitled to all that is God-given? Why wasn't I privileged to experience love and why do people keep taking advantage of me like I have not concerned maker but a mythical God that watches down on me once in a thousand light years?

Had I died when I was at unam I would've been sure of entering Heaven. Now, I am not too sure. You ask why? Because I am not much of a Christian then I was 25 years ago. God is all good and his character is uncontested but I am just failing to believe again. I have drunk so much of this reality kool-aid that I am not certain of His love for me.

Not now

Focus on your goals for now and fight for your dream